Hey everybody, it's me, your Dungeon Master Russ More just wanted to pop in before the
episode today because the Decimators of Dragons are back!
This episode follows the Season 1 finale.
We are caught back up in the timeline.
And if you aren't caught up with Season 1 and don't want to be spoiled, I'd recommend
saving these episodes until you are caught back up.
Our new schedule will be one week of story A, which is Moot, Glim, and Sully, the new
crew, and one week of story B, which are the Decimators of Dragons, on and off like
that until the end of Season 2.
Also a little warning that this was an emotional episode for us as we were recording
it and it may be for you as well, dealing with a memorial and funeral for one of
the characters.
But that's all for now.
Thank you everybody.
Let's get to the game.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons!
We're a D&D 5th Edition actual play podcast.
I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More and with me today is Tom Laird!
Hey, that's me!
I play Flint Firebeard.
And Amy More!
Hi.
I play Amastasia.
Hello.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Not with us today is Carla Johnson.
Spoiler alert, if you haven't listened to the finale and don't want to find out
how Season 1 ended, now's the time to stop listening...
Now!
Kay, thanks, bye!
Um, I want to derail this immediately.
Please do!
That's right!
I like it.
It's some brand.
If you had to give a TED Talk, what would your TED Talk be on?
Oh shit.
Look at Russ's eyes.
It's just like...
Well, Russ, I don't want to speak for you, but like, audio editing, hands down.
Like you could tell so many people so many things in a TED Talk situation.
I don't know.
But what form of audio editing?
Cause like you just...
I mean anybody can go on YouTube and be like, audio editing.
Yeah, but they all suck!
Okay, it'd be audio editing and or podcast something.
Heavy emphasis on the something.
Sure.
Amy?
Ah, god man.
I don't know.
I am...
I do not think I am qualified to do a TED Talk.
Those kind of talks.
It doesn't matter.
It could be about something that I'm completely uninterested in, like editing audio for
a podcast.
And then, but you listen to it, but you listen to it, stop, but you listen
to it and it like changes your life anyway.
Like that's what a TED Talk is.
Yeah, they're always like super crazy.
It could really be just so inspiring regardless of your interest in the topic.
So I don't know if I'm that awe-inspiring, but I really like to garden.
So it would be something like garden cause your life will be better.
Okay.
There you go.
And you?
I would do a dedicated TED Talk to just talk about the last round of golf I played because
I was really fucking good in it and I want to tell everyone about it.
So this was just a segue of your own accord to talk about how... so how good was your
golf?
Oh my god.
You didn't create anxiety within me in order to segue yourself into talking about
golf.
That's right.
I think that was really selfish of you, Tom.
It doesn't matter.
I wanted to talk about it and that was my way in.
No, it was really good.
I was playing so well.
Everything was working great.
It was a fantastic day.
Wow.
You shoot like 18 under?
Well, it was a team event, but I mean, let's be honest.
It was... the team was me.
As it usually is.
Tom, so humble.
Humble.
So humble.
But I played so well.
Modest.
Normally I am, but I played so well, humbleness is out the window for this
one.
Humbleness.
Yep.
Well, that's good.
Humility?
Humility.
So welcome to our podcast, Tom Talks About Golf.
Yep.
Golf talk.
We're also...
Strap in for the next 90 minutes.
Okay.
All right.
So we're going to be running two feeds.
Tom's feed is just going to be talking about golf and then this one.
So pan left, just leave the left ear bud in for Tom golf, leave the right ear
bud in for D&D.
Perfect.
Okay?
This is going to be...
We're breaking new ground here.
Yep.
It's going to be real weird.
If you want a real mind, blow your mind, just put both of them in.
They sync up to Dark Side of the Moon.
Oh, weird how we did that.
Yeah.
I mean, everything does.
Russell will tell you all about it in his TED Talk.
Yeah.
Anyways, we're at Dumbgeons and Dragons, fifth edition actual play podcast.
And we're also on Patreon, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And when you are a patron of Dumbgeons and Dragons, you have an episode dedicated to
you.
Like today's episode is dedicated to Richard Lorentz.
Thanks Richard.
Richard.
You're awesome.
Thank you so much.
Thank you very much, Richard.
You can check it out.
Thank you very much.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
If all the golf talk is done.
Yes, it's done.
I promise.
Put your finger away.
If all the gardening stuff is done.
Don't point at me.
I literally said one thing and it was because I was forced to.
You were put on the spot.
I could talk about this reusable metal straw for a day.
This is great audio.
Yeah.
Clink it around in the glass.
Oh, yeah.
That's coming through loud and clear.
It's good for those of you who can't quite see.
It's rainbow.
I don't know if that's really picking up on the video for our patrons, but it's
rainbow.
Well, it's Pride Month.
So it has to be rainbow.
It's the law.
Like just be in there and and fuck it.
Let's play D&D.
It's like Russ is just waiting.
My brain literally went boop boop.
We open on a scene at Waterdeep.
It's about a week after the final battle at the Well of Dragons.
The remaining forces have all made their way back to Waterdeep and there is a massive
gathering outside Castle Waterdeep.
From a large balcony, we see Lady Laryl Silverhand, Leosin, and Lord Dagglet Neverember moving
to address a waiting crowd that stands before them, which is a large percentage of the
population of the surrounding area of Beirut, who have and had come to Waterdeep, escaping
the cult's reach.
All around the city, we see flags at half-mast from all of the various factions and alliances
from around Beirut.
Alongside them, we see banners of the Decimators of Dragons.
Before Lady Laryl Silverhand, we see a large casket.
And in front of that casket is Nularaaaa's sword, Dragonslayer.
Down in front, battle-weary and scarred, we see Flamikin's Thaddeus, Delaine Winterhound,
and all number of allied forces leaders.
Lady Laryl goes to address the crowd.
During the speech, she goes on to say that of the allied forces, more than half were
lost, including one of the Beacons of Hope, Nularaaaa Moonbrook, struck down while defeating
Tiamat herself.
We look around the crowd and there's a noticeable absence.
Flint and Thea are nowhere to be seen.
We cut to an unmarked caravan on the road between Waterdeep and the High Forest.
It's raining, pouring rain.
Two figures are at the seat of the caravan, hoods over their heads as they move down
a all-but-empty road.
We move in on the figures to see Flint and Thea, Donnie seated behind them in the caravan,
and they are traveling.
What are you two doing and talking about?
Well, Thea is for sure smoking a joint.
She's regressed a little bit after the loss of her bestie and is kind of slumped down,
horrific posture, hood over her head, silent, which is odd for her.
Flint is just kind of scanning the tree line next to the road because he's a soldier.
He's always on guard.
You never know when someone's going to jump out there.
Thea hopes someone jumps out there.
I imagine it's been silent for quite a while.
You two, after returning to Waterdeep, met with Leosin.
We cut back to a couple days earlier as you arrive back in Waterdeep.
You go to Leosin's chambers as kind of a debrief of sorts, and he's seated at
his desk, just kind of blankly staring as you two enter.
Flint just flops down in a chair.
Thea, I think, paces around the room.
So, how's things?
Well, thanks to you, we won.
That's how things are.
The cult's forces have retreated, all that were left, and we estimate a good number
of them were killed on the battlefield.
Would you say at least 80 percent?
You know what?
I am a man of math.
I would say somewhere in the vicinity of 80 percent.
Thank you.
Thank you for bringing me back home on that one.
I mean, you say it was a win, but it doesn't really feel like it.
No, no, it does not feel like a win today.
This is what we had discussed before you left, is that we prepared for the worst, hoped
for the best, which, overall, Faerun is safe for now, but at a cost of many of our
own, including our dear friend, Nularaaaa.
I mean, I know we had the conversations before we left, but I'll be honest with you,
I didn't think we'd need him, just thought it was a formality.
That's what I hoped for as well, Flint.
I knew the battle that you were going into would be one that would be hard to win.
What are we supposed to do now?
In terms of what, Thea?
I don't know.
I think just in general.
In terms of anything.
In general.
What do we do?
It's a little gone now.
I understand.
You, it's not going to seem like much consolation, but you will be greatly rewarded for your
service to Waterdeep.
Oh, I don't give a shit about that.
And to Faerun.
Yeah.
No, I get it.
Give my half to Nularaaaa's family.
Yeah, mine too.
That comes to what Nularaaaa wanted to do in the event that she did not make it back.
There will be a ceremony held here in the city.
All will be invited to celebrate those that fought.
Those that won and came back and those that won and paid the ultimate price.
Nularaaaa understood that this might be something, but said that she did not want to be part
of it in a direct sense.
And she requested that you, Flint and Thea, take her back to High Forest to her family.
Okay.
Yeah.
Done.
When do we leave?
You can leave as soon as you are ready.
I'm ready.
Yep.
Let's go.
Is there anything else that Nularaaaa said to you?
I don't know.
Anything she may have written or that she wanted us to know in the event of her, you
know?
She has given explicit instructions where her material possessions are to go and where
her remains are to be laid to rest.
She knew that this could happen and knowing Nularaaaa as much as I did, this is a way
that if she had to go out, this is the way she wanted to do it.
Well, I can't argue with you there.
Blaze of Glory was always.
Yep.
I mean.
I mean, we discussed it once on that train.
Top five ways to go.
Blaze of Glory was one.
We will pack everything into an unmarked caravan and send you on your way.
You will travel alone.
I don't anticipate much in terms of resistance along the way.
At the very least, anything that you two cannot handle.
After that, any place you want within the realm is yours.
Any position is yours.
Any task is yours.
We are here to help you find purpose where you can.
For now, your task, as you have said, is to take Nularaaaa home.
And we cut back to the caravan, silent still.
You can tell you're getting closer to where Nularaaaa's family's homestead is, based on
the directions and distances you've traveled and have been given by Leosin, because
you yourselves have not been there.
You and Nularaaaa have talked about it, but he's given you direct, very explicit directions
on how to get there.
Hey, do you think Nularaaaa asked to go back home because she knew what an utter pain
in the ass it would be to travel her all this way back to go and put her, like,
with her family?
Do you think that's why she did it?
I mean, I wouldn't rule it out.
I honestly wouldn't.
Bitch got the last laugh, didn't she?
She was always crafty, though.
You knew she would.
Shouldn't have been her.
No, I mean, it should have been all of us.
Yeah.
You're walking away.
Do you feel as guilty as I feel, because I feel guilty.
I think it's survivor remorse.
Yeah, just a little bit.
I could have done more.
I could have got to her faster.
I mean, I think we all could have done more.
I don't think you could have done more.
I think I could have.
I saved my one big shot for the very end, and what if I'd done it sooner?
Maybe it would have been enough to have her survive.
You beat the shit out of a five-headed dragon.
But I still feel like I could have done more.
Maybe it's just the way it was supposed to be, or whatever.
Could have been.
I think at this point, the rain's letting up, and you put your hood down.
Flint, you were underneath the largest blast of flame from Tiamat.
As was previously discussed, armor was melting into skin, was melting into dragon scale.
As you lower your hood, having been magically healed by this point, what does Flint look
like now?
Definitely more scarred than before.
There's a patch of his beard that will not grow back.
Oh, God!
I mean, that magical healing can only do so much.
In terms of the amount of dragon scale that we see, you had previously, last we saw, it
was on your arm and chest.
What does it look like now?
Yeah, I mean, similar, maybe a little more encroachment up the neck.
I turn over and I kind of touch the scales on your neck.
I'm like, what's it feel like?
It doesn't really feel any different than it did before.
I mean, I know it would feel different for you, but for you touching me, it feels
the same.
Hmm.
Do you have to like clean him with a toothbrush?
Because I had a turtle once, and I had to clean his shell and scales with a toothbrush.
I mean, you know those like really coarse brushes that people use on their feet?
I use one of those, and it seems to do the job pretty well.
I bet that feel really good.
I mean, it does.
Do you shed any?
No, I haven't noticed any.
I'm sure that they probably do, but you know, like when you have an itchy back
and someone just hits that spot perfectly?
That's what it feels like when I use that brush.
It's great.
Oh.
That's very intimate sharing.
Flint, thank you.
You continue traveling for a while.
Everybody make a perception check.
What?
I don't even have my dice out.
You're playing D&D.
What are you doing?
I mean, you should have your dice out.
Sometimes I have my dice out, and I never get to use them.
Yeah.
It's a 15 for me.
Oh, wait, perception.
My perception is good.
17.
I rolled an 8.
Yay for a bonus.
Flint, you're watching the line there, so you can roll with advantage, too.
Oh, sure.
Because you had previously mentioned that you were watching the first one.
It was less than the 15.
Plus, you know, I distracted him a bit by talking about grooming habits.
It's true.
Thea, you see, well, both of you see ahead of you a man standing in the road.
Does he look friendly?
He doesn't look unfriendly.
Does he look hurt?
No.
Thea, you notice some movement off to the right in the trees,
as you have made your way more into High Forest now.
And as you approach him, he calls out and says, ah, hey, hey there.
What brings you out this far?
That business is my own.
Mm.
Fair enough.
Transporting goods, services, something else?
Precious cargo.
Mm, good, good.
I look at Flint and I go, precious cargo?
Precious fucking cargo.
The most precious.
This guy is going to fucking try to steal from us, Flint.
God damn it.
I mean, has it been so long?
I think we can handle this one dude.
And then I nudge my head over to the right,
where there is movement in the forest on the side.
I'm like, it's not just the one.
It's never just the one dude.
Well, shit.
The guy has kind of put himself in the way of your carriage.
I draw my bow and I aim it at him.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What seems to be the problem here?
Who are you?
My name?
Yes, your name.
Well, my friends call me Davey,
but I don't know if you're for friends yet.
What's your last name, Davey?
Jones.
Davey Jones?
Yeah.
Are you bullshitting me right now?
Why would I do that?
Dude does not look like any motherfucking pirate I know.
Davey.
Reminds me of that traveling bard.
There was another Davey Jones, though,
so he renamed to David Bowie.
Oh.
Well, maybe he can rename himself to David Arrow
after I put one of these in his leg.
I might not want to do that if I were you.
See, I've got friends in the trees who...
Would you say they're friends in high places?
Are they up in the trees?
You're good.
You're good, you.
I got friends in the trees, up in high places.
And they're a little bit iffy on people
traveling down their road.
So they may have things trained on you.
Is all I'm telling you.
Their road?
What makes it their road?
Well, since, you know, there's not many people out here,
it's taken claims.
It's just re-dividing the land back
to who it should belong to.
And it's not me.
It's not me.
It's my boss.
He likes this plot of land.
Who is your boss?
Oh, like I said, I don't know if we're friends yet,
my dear.
Oh, I don't need to be friends with you to talk to your boss.
Fair enough.
Anyways, I ask you to lower your weapons.
We just want to take a look at what you're transporting,
and then we'll let you on your way.
What side of the battle did you fight on?
Side of the battle.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Have you not heard?
Yeah, you know, the big, big battle that just happened?
Five-headed dragon and all.
The big thing.
We didn't fight in the battle.
Oh, you didn't fight in the battle.
So you are currently enjoying your un-enslaved life.
Oh, that's so wonderful.
And who do you have to thank for that?
I mean, ourselves, obviously.
We didn't get in the mix of all that.
Thea releases an arrow into this dude's foot.
She is not fucking around.
And she is kind of like a loose cannon at this point.
Roll for attack.
Actually, roll for initiative.
And then roll for attack.
Sorry, Flint.
I don't know if you were looking for this kind of party,
but Thea's ready to party.
I was going to start swinging, so it's fine.
I didn't even want to wait.
The fact that he didn't even know who never,
you know what, I can't even get into it right now.
It's only 15.
But do I get to go first anyway
because I surprise attacked him?
Well, yeah, you get a first round.
Okay.
You loose an arrow.
It's a 20.
Not, not now.
Okay.
And it's just with my longbow.
So it's seven piercing damage.
So you loose this arrow and it flies.
You're aiming for his foot.
I'm just aiming for his foot.
Maybe even right between his toes
if I could be so accurate.
Well, we'll say you hit the foot.
But yeah, it goes right into the top of his foot
and into the ground.
Good, yeah.
I don't really want him to move.
Yeah, a good foot and a half at least into the ground.
The ground's really wet at this point.
Foot and a half.
Oh.
We're here all day, guys.
So it goes through his foot
and he lets out a scream and says,
why did you do that?
Because you don't know.
I don't know what.
Guys, get him.
And we're to the top of initiative, which is you.
Which is me.
Oh, well. That never happens.
I hate it.
You've taken on a new energy ever since you were nine.
So can I look around and see who I saw in the forest?
Make a investigation check.
Well, that's a 20.
You see, yeah, you give a quick glance to the side.
You see one archer for sure off to your right up in a tree.
Was it Sterling archer or Mallory archer?
Wasn't that good of an investigation check.
Gonna have to get a little closer to find out.
You see one archer off into the right
and you see movement in the deck
kind of down below off to the left.
Okay.
I decide to Eldritch Blast off to the right.
Into the person in the tree?
Yes.
It's an 18.
That will hit.
Okay, so a beam of crackly energy streaks toward him
or her or it, whatever it is.
You got three beams though, right?
I do have three beams, so I'm gonna roll three times.
That is a 15.
That 15 will not hit.
That is a 20, not natural.
Yes, that will hit.
So you get two beams.
Okay, so I have two beams.
I'm going to, do I see two off to my right,
one to my left?
You see one archer up in the trees.
There's the guy in front of you
and you see movement from the trees
lower down off to your left.
All right, well, I'm going to hit
with both Eldritch Blasts the person up in the trees
because I kind of want to leave the other guy alive
because I want him to know.
Okay.
I was like, ah, this is the crazy Amy playing D&D,
I remember.
I'm into it.
So the damage on this guy is one D10.
Yeah, one D10 force damage.
Ah, two, ooh, and a nine.
So 11 force damage to dude in tree.
Please tell me to knock him from the tree.
So both bolts fly from your hands and-
They're purple.
Both purple bolts fly from your hands
and strike the archer
and you hear him yell out
as an arrow goes flying up into the canopy
on the other side
and you hear crackling branches
as he falls to the ground and takes another
two damage as he hits the ground.
So it's 11.
Yeah.
The guy out in front, it is his turn, Davey.
It is Davey's turn.
Bring it, Davey.
And he looks down at his foot
and he's trying to figure out how to pull.
He's just making motions towards his foot.
He's trying to figure out how to get this
out of his foot and you see him break it off.
Okay.
Oh yeah, he's not pulling it either way.
I know, I was gonna question his sanity
at that point.
You see him break it off
and lift his foot up over the last bit
and he's, oh, God, you guys are terrible.
And he pulls and draws his sword
and begins rushing the carriage.
It's the middle time.
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
It's middle time.
Welcome back to the middle, everybody.
This is where we tell you
about all the crazy cool things
we have going on in September
has been a wild and crazy.
It's been a wild ride, you guys.
It really has been.
Yeah, it really has been.
First off, let us tell you to stop slamming doors
as soon as I start talking.
You could have waited to talk as you saw me
trying to pull my dice away.
No, because you start moving as soon as I start talking.
That's not true.
First off, let me tell you
about all of the cool new Patreon tiers.
And by me, I mean all of us.
All of us.
Because we're a group.
We have new Patreon tiers.
And we want you to go check them out,
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
We have a whole ton of new exclusive content going on.
Like what, Tom?
Tell us, give us a little hint, hint, nudge, nudge.
What's some of that?
Is that sweet goodnesses?
Exclusive content up the yin yang.
Let me tell you that much.
We have what, 20 plus hours.
I'm sure we've got to be close to 30
by the end of this month.
Yeah, there we go.
We've got all sorts of bonus content for you
in the Patreon tiers.
And you can get in on that for as little as $2 per month.
That's all it takes.
That show you get at $2 a month, Tom runs.
Oh, that's the one.
That's the one.
Yeah, we do a game called The Side Scrollers,
that IDM where Russ, Amy, and Carla
play three completely different characters.
Same world that we're set in,
but nothing to do with the other timelines
that we got going on.
Trust me, we just played two episodes coming up.
It has nothing to do with anything that we have going on.
Nope.
No, it is out there, man.
But very fun.
And we want you to go check that out.
At the $5 tier, we got some other bonus stuff.
What do we got over there, Carla?
Well, more bonus content.
We are just giving you too much of us, maybe.
Couldn't be.
Couldn't be too much.
Couldn't be.
Dumbgeons Down Time, where we kind of do
a quick little recap about each episode
about what we thought about it,
how funny we think we are,
how much we cried, you know, whatever.
All that usual stuff.
Lots of emotions.
All that usual stuff.
So that comes out every week.
And then all the other stuff
plus other extra bonus episodes
and you get early access to our new podcast.
It's coming soon.
It's called Facing Fate, so just five bucks.
Plus all the stuff that was
in that $2 tier as well, of course.
There's a whole bunch of other great stuff.
We even put, one of the biggest feedback
was that people wanted to play games with us.
And you know what?
We're doing that this month.
It's very exciting.
Arguably one of our most or the most exciting tier,
I think, is our $100 tier,
which is our high in the sky tier, if you will.
And you get to play in a monthly two hour max,
one shot with at least two cast members,
one DM and one player.
The audio will then be released to the community
as an extra monthly episode,
but just ultra special because we get to play with you
and we have someone playing with us this month.
Oh my God.
Yeah, it's gonna be really awesome.
Oh my God.
You know who you are.
It's super exciting, but there's room for more.
So you can come play too, if you want.
There are, yeah.
There can be how many people?
Four.
There can be four people who join us.
One thing to clarify with that tier
is that you don't have to sign up with it
for every month.
We understand that it is a very expensive tier.
That would be lucrative.
We've had many, many questions as to, you know,
how long do I gotta stay?
You pay for a month, you play a game,
and then you can drop down to a lower tier
wherever you're more comfortable.
So if it's a special treat or it's something,
if it's something you wanna do for the rest of forever.
Sure.
We won't stop.
God, I will play with you every month.
In the game.
In the,
in the sandbox, which wherever.
No.
We will play a game with you every month,
if that's what you want.
That's what we want.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cats.
Go check out all those sweet new tiers.
Lots of other great cool stuff up there.
Now some other things that we've got going on
in Edmonton, which is where Amy and I are.
There's this thing called Edmonton Expo,
which is like our Comic-Con here.
And we're gonna be playing a live show there
all four of us.
Wow.
If you don't speak Russese,
that he means we are gonna be playing a live show
and Tom and Carla are going to be coming to join us.
Yeah.
That's what I said.
Some people's ears don't reach that register of.
Sorry.
But the dogs listening will love it.
Yeah, the dogs are really into it.
We will be in Edmonton doing a live show
on Saturday, September 21st.
At 12.45.
We would love to see you there.
We are so excited to see each other
and play a game around the table,
but it would be extra dope if you were there.
Sure would be.
Do you wanna try to record the content?
We are going to record the content.
So if you.
No, go ahead.
No, you do it.
You really wanna say it.
You do it.
No, you wanna say it so bad.
So if you aren't able to come and see us,
we will get you that audio
and it will be like you're experiencing it with us there.
Well, now you can talk.
God damn it.
Yeah, so we got that live show going on
which is gonna be super sweet.
But then it was also announced this week
that the new podcast of from Wizards of the Coast
that's starting next week.
And guess what?
We're a part of that too.
Yeah, we are.
Episode two.
We are episode two.
Come with us on a trip into hell.
As far as the relay goes,
I don't know what they call that second position.
It's not the anchor.
It's the second.
I think it's probably just the second position
in that seven podcast relay.
Yeah.
Right.
Second position, but not second fiddle.
So that's gonna be released
on the Dungeon Delve podcast RSS feed.
I'll link it down in the description.
Check that out.
There'll be seven episodes
along with podcast North by North Quest,
How We Roll, Royal Nerd Theater,
Dungeon Drunks, Red Moon Role Playing,
and The Broad Swords.
And it was organized by Victoria Rogers
of The Broad Swords
and Daniel Kwan of Asians Represent.
We're very excited to be part of that.
Ours is episode two.
And no, I can't tell you any spoilers
because I don't want to spoil the content.
So you just gotta listen to it.
But it's fun.
But it's so much fun.
Anyways, we've talked you in your ear off for too long.
So get back to that episode.
Hope you're not crying too much.
Sorry.
Not sorry.
Bye.
Flint, it's your turn.
And how close is he?
How far away did you guys stop from him?
I would say pretty close.
20 feet, somewhere in that neighborhood.
Sure.
Yeah, then he's within 15.
He's moving towards.
I'm gonna do that really cool thing in kung fu movies
where the hero just like slowly approaches
and you're like, oh, I'm gonna do that.
I'm gonna do that.
And you're like, oh, no.
Something bad's gonna happen.
So yeah, I'm going to swing my axe.
Oh, I guess I'm using my moist tongue long sword
since it's back in my possession.
Yep.
I'm gonna, under my breath, say moist
because it's still embarrassing for Flint
when he has to say it out loud.
But is it really intimidating if you're walking slowly
towards him and you just go moist?
All right, yeah, you know what?
Let's do it.
Roll with it.
Changed opinion on this.
As Flint slowly walks towards this man,
he just kind of, not super loudly,
but looks him right in the eyes.
He's walking towards him and just says moist.
And then like.
Which kind of stops him in his tracks
and he's like, what?
Yeah.
Hey, don't kill him all the way dead, okay, Flint?
Okay.
Can do.
Russ, I would like to not kill him all the way dead
if at all possible.
Non-lethal damage, got it.
Yeah.
Okay, so first attack is a 24.
Yeah.
Yep, that will hit.
It's 14 damage.
Oh, plus there's cold damage.
Hang on here.
14 plus an eight, so 22 damage.
Eight of which is cold.
Okay, so you strike into,
you move forward slowly,
stupefying Dave with your moist.
And strike into his arm and shoulder there.
And the skin, it becomes blackened from the cold damage.
And he's like, ah, that's not a big guttural, ah.
And he drops to a knee.
He's still fighting the good fight?
Well, I mean, he's dropped to a knee
and he's got a pretty big open gaping flesh wound,
but he's still alive because of non-lethal damage,
but still conscious.
Okay.
Next attack was only a 14.
14 will not hit.
Goes off of his armor.
And third attack's a 21.
That will hit, yeah.
Okay.
So that is six and another six of cold damage.
So 12, all said and done.
At this point, Thea puts her feet up,
like up, you know?
Like if she were at a desk,
her feet would be on the desk.
I'm not sure how that works at a carriage.
Also, is Tiny pulling our carriage?
Because I really feel like he would be.
You tell me.
Yeah, he is.
So yeah, absolutely Tiny is pulling your carriage.
Jared, the other two, Buttercup and Tiny, Buttercup, and.
Clip clop, Russ.
Clip clop, clip clop.
I didn't prepare for the horses to come back.
Sure, we don't need all three,
but I say we have all three anyway,
because it's nostalgia.
Also, probably wanna give Buttercup back to Jared.
You strike again into Davey,
more blackened, like frostbitten wound along his other side.
And he drops his longsword into the mud
and he looks up at you and says,
okay, okay, we're sorry.
You hear where the archer fell,
kind of a groaned, oh, oh.
As you hear somebody trying to stand up.
Flint, you catch an arrow in the back.
Oh, I guess they're not sorry enough.
From off to the left.
And you're gonna take seven piercing damage as this,
oh, no, that was a crit 20.
Sorry, that is 16 piercing damage
as this goes straight through your shoulder.
Okay, I'm gonna down that by three
because of my heavy armor mastery.
You've taken the bolt and then you hear,
coming off to the left there,
heavy footsteps and a guttural call
as a man with a ax comes running out towards you.
Swinging, that's going to be a 23 to hit.
Oh, yeah.
That's gonna be 14 slashing damage to you.
I will take 11 of that.
There you have an axman, Davey, in front of you.
Thea's chilling like a villain behind.
Chilling like a villain,
although you have seen the arrow kind of go through,
well, not kind of.
Come out and go through.
I'm watching still.
And we're back to the top and it is your turn, Thea.
You didn't close your eyes when you kicked your feet up.
That does sound like something I would do.
So I hop down and I walk out
and as I do so,
is there a way I can like prepare a spell
and make it look fucking super cool?
Like, think like Storm in X-Men,
like how she would raise up off,
her eyes would go white, things would get weird,
you know shit's about to happen,
but it doesn't quite happen.
Okay, tell me what you do.
Okay.
So tell me what you wanna do
and then we'll just figure out how it, yeah.
Because I'm really going for an intimidation tactic here.
Okay, so we'll go for an intimidation move,
but you're using a spell before you release it.
Exactly.
I'm gonna use call lightning.
So I'm going to take a page out of Flint's book
and I'm gonna walk forward creepily.
Actually first, because okay,
here's what I'm imagining, right?
So we've got like,
poor Newlar's body in the back, the carriage.
We've got Tiny in the middle,
the two other like,
seemingly itty bitty ponies to either side, right?
Well, I hop up and I walk on top of Tiny.
So I'm huge and I'm up there, right?
And so I put my hands out to the side
and because it was already raining
and very scarily like,
you know, outside, I'm gonna call lightning.
And so I'm going to create a storm cloud right above us,
like all the scary booming, crashing,
you can see it all.
And I look down at them and I say,
I will give you one chance to surrender
to the decimators of dragons.
Make an intimidation roll.
I have to fucking roll after all that?
Yeah.
It's like a one.
They're like, I'm not scared of you.
You're fine.
It's a one.
They're not scared of me.
I would also just like to say.
You didn't say anything.
It's an audio podcast.
Well, some people are watching.
I just showed my shirt.
It is the doomed and determined shirt
with a D20 fold with ones.
Go to our T public store to get that one.
Yeah, get one of those.
If it represents you as much as it represents me.
Oh, well, okay.
Plus your intimidation.
You don't get a natural one.
Like that doesn't count for.
Oh, okay.
Fine, it's a three.
Okay.
They see you and you see kind of a hint of fear
and then they're like, we can take you.
And you don't scare them at all.
All right, well then.
Whose turn is Donnie going on?
We didn't determine that.
Cause Donnie's got to go on a turn.
Should Donnie go on my turn?
Sure.
Hey, no, wait a minute.
You get three turns.
I want Donnie.
Okay.
Right now we're fighting over like custody
of like a poor orphaned child.
There's a stats there.
So what do you want them to do?
Okay, well, while I'm being scary,
I'll say, oh, I don't scare you.
Well, maybe he will.
He is going to flat forward and use weakening breath.
Cause I mean, in the back of our minds,
we know we're good guys,
but these guys are being dill holes.
And while I prefer not to kill any of them.
Sure.
I obviously couldn't intimidate them.
So who are you targeting?
If you're targeting the two guys on the ground by Flint,
you're going to get Flint as well.
Oh, well, I don't want him to get Flint.
So maybe he's just going to,
he's just got to fly and bite.
He's going to bite Axeman.
Okay.
I'm not going to use that.
The one that rolled a one.
Well, that only rolled a six.
Plus six is 12.
Nope.
12 does not hit,
but I'll give you another intimidation roll on that.
With Donnie's, what's intimidation?
Charisma.
Donnie gets a plus three.
17.
As they don't seem phased,
which is ridiculous by your call lightning.
Out of the carriage comes a medium sized gold dragon
and he flaps his wings up in the air,
flies forward and basically swoops by the ax,
which sends him stumbling backwards
and he falls into the mud.
He's now prone.
Davey as well falls backwards.
And you hear from off in the trees, holy fuck.
And you hear footsteps.
One kind of scaling down a tree.
The other one begins booking it into the woods.
So it is Davey's turn.
Is it not my turn?
You already went.
Yours was called lightning.
I didn't use it.
Well, you were intimidating.
I thought that was it.
No, if they weren't scared of it,
I was going to burn them with it.
Oh, fuck.
Okay.
I thought we were just jumping backwards
at Donnie there for a minute.
I thought you were done your stuff.
No, cause if it didn't scare them,
I was absolutely going to use it.
Okay, so what do you want to do?
Well, I'm going to call fucking lightning.
Okay.
Oh, it just happens.
That's nice.
So who are you aiming for?
I am going to,
oh, God, I don't want to kill anybody.
There's no, with magical damage, there's no-
I can't hold back.
Aim for the ax, man.
He's falling prone.
He hasn't taken any damage yet.
All right.
So I point to the ax, man,
and a bolt of lightning flashes down,
and he's not near anybody, is he?
No, he's fallen prone,
so he's like 10 feet away from Flint,
five to 10 feet away.
So you must take a dexterity saving throw.
Nope.
Good.
That's like a six.
So 3d10.
Also, if you're prone,
I would imagine you would have like disadvantage at best.
I rolled a two.
If you're outdoors in stormy conditions
when you cast the spell,
the spell gives you control over the existing storm
instead of creating a new one,
and under such conditions,
the spell's damage increases by 1d10.
Canonically, there is a storm going on.
4d10.
Suck on that.
He's going to suck on that lightning.
He's going to suck.
I'm going to put my rod of lightning
right inside of his mouth,
and he's going to suck on it.
I apologize, listeners.
No, not really.
No, you don't.
Not really.
Okay, here we go.
That is 14, 17, 19 lightning damage.
I was expecting like 32,
but that was pretty still good.
Your call lightning comes down
and like hits the chest plate
of this axed warrior,
and it goes out into all of his limbs,
and he is now seemingly unconscious on the ground.
There's smoke coming up from his chest.
You're uncertain if he's alive or dead.
He is in a dark place.
It is Davey's turn,
and he sees all of this happen,
and he's fallen backwards into the mud
with Flint standing over top of him,
and he's like, okay, okay, okay.
You're good.
Don't hurt me.
Last time you said that,
my buddy got an arrow in the back.
Yeah, I know, but didn't you hear them leave?
There was only the two of them.
It's like I don't even have a weapon anymore.
I'm sorry.
Jump off the horse and go,
you better not be related to Nulara Moonbrook.
Who?
Good.
Wouldn't that be fucking awful
if I just like killed her?
Would be less than ideal.
I mean, that would be kind of a dick move
for me to, anyways.
Sender brothers, whoops.
So where's your boss, friend?
You want to know where the boss is, do ya?
Mm-hmm.
Well, what if we just decided to say
that none of this ever happened?
I go on my way, and you go on your way.
I don't know.
I don't know, Flint, if he's learned his lesson.
I mean, let's see here.
Arrow through the knee, or arrow through the foot.
Foot, yeah.
And a couple slices on the old chest.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Yep.
I mean, he's pissed himself, so.
Yeah, that's awkward.
I thought the rain would hide that.
It didn't.
But, yeah.
We are Flint and Thea and Nulara.
You owe your lives to us.
Now in more ways than one.
Wait, you're Flint, Thea, and Nulara.
Fuck.
Okay, yep.
My boss's name is Axel, Axel Morelli.
And, and his headquarters is in Hellgate, Dell.
Kind of corner high forest.
Well, we're gonna tell you what.
If you see us coming to the compound,
you get the fuck out of there,
because we're not gonna spare you again.
I'm not even gonna be at the compound.
Oh, good.
Then get the fuck out of here, then.
Okay, okay, yep, yep, yep, okay.
Let's say something inspiring.
Honest living, motherfucker.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Go.
He.
And take your smoky friend with you.
He, he, he scrambles up and out of the mud.
You see him move for his long sword.
Nope.
You're gonna leave that there.
Nope, that's, that's fair.
That's ours now.
That's understandable.
Okay, come on, come on, come on, come on, Benson.
Let's, let's go.
He see him kind of drag his friend
and reach for a pulse.
He's like, he's dead.
Maybe, maybe I could leave him here?
No, you take him with you.
It is your fault.
He's dragging him as you're saying this.
He's like, yeah, I got it.
Bury him somewhere.
Okay, thank you.
Flint, I totally killed that guy.
I didn't mean to.
It's okay.
I mean, they kind of had it coming.
Yeah, a little bit.
Plus that fucking cool lightning show thing you did.
I was intimidated.
I liked it.
Thank you.
Good God.
You pack yourselves back up, tend to your wounds
and head back on the trail.
It's another few hours.
Anything you need to do.
Anything notable that you guys want to discuss
before you get to the Moonbrook branch,
for lack of a better term.
Question, Russ, what was the name of that place
that the boss was in?
Helgate Dell.
Because I mean, maybe this guy's been hassling
New Lawner's family and we need to go take care of him.
We'll find out.
Maybe.
Would you say we're traveling for another four hours?
Sure.
I go into a trance at that time with the help of weed.
So no talking whatsoever.
Got it.
No, yeah, I go into a trance.
I respond with mm-hmms and I gain back my spell slot.
Short rest if you're so inclined there, Flynn.
I don't need it, I'm fine.
Barely got it.
I just wanted my spell slot back.
Cool, okay.
I mean, I'll give you an extra 15 minutes
if there's anything you want to discuss
before you get to.
I mean, I don't know.
I think we're both in the same boat, I think.
Flynn, do you know if they sent a message ahead?
Does her family know we're coming?
I'm gonna say that yes.
We'll flash back to Leosin.
Leosin says, we're sending message ahead
before your arrival.
Cut it, it's fine.
Okay, good, because I really didn't want
to be the one to break the news.
Yeah, I didn't want to have to show up
and present our cargo for that.
Oh God, don't call her cargo.
Next time, say angry bees.
What are you hearing back there?
Angry bees.
Angry bees, of course.
That makes way more sense.
Yeah.
All right, I'm just gonna sit in silence
for a minute here.
You round a final bend that opens up
into a larger clearing.
You've seen from a little while ago,
smoke kind of rising, not like serious smoke,
but like smoke from smoke stacks for fires
and that sort of thing.
And you come into the clearing
and you see a couple people tending to some
of the crops surrounding the compLex, the area.
And they hear your carriage and look up
and you see a noticeable drop in their posture,
in their body language.
And the two come to meet you on the trail
and they say,
haven't had many people through here recently
and it's, are you Flint and Thea?
Yeah.
Yes.
Of course.
I'm John Zick.
This is Rulin.
We received word that what you're doing here
is not something that you can do on your own.
Come, come with us.
And they lead you up the road and into the community.
People begin to come out of their houses
as they see you come.
And it's,
the brothers, John Zick, Rulin, Grun, Fabrier,
Belour and Verrez all help you unpack the carriage.
Taking good care of the casket that was packed
and more or less hidden beneath some other things
in case of somebody coming in, looking in.
They pull the casket out and take it to a building,
kind of to the back of their community.
Rulin comes up to you as this is all happening
and he says,
the message didn't really have much
in terms of what happened.
Were you two with her when she died?
We were.
She fought bravely.
Good.
She said she'd be back.
She's just hoping under better circumstances, I guess.
Come, we'll make a meal.
And there's been talk of a burial ceremony
next to our parents.
We'll do that later.
After everybody's had a chance to say goodbye.
I hug him.
He kind of goes a little stiff at your hug.
I hug him a little tighter and then I say,
Mular wasn't much of a hugger at first either.
No, she isn't.
Wasn't, was she.
He returns the hug.
And leads you to a communal house
where everybody's kind of preparing a meal.
You sit down with all of Mular's family.
Some of the kids come up and start showing you
different things of theirs.
Like kids do.
Look at this rock I found.
Kids totally do.
Yeah.
That's what kids do, it's fine.
Cool rock, kid.
They make a meal, everybody sits down.
It's a pretty somber occasion, obviously.
There's not much chatter that goes on
until the end of the night.
All the kids are being put to sleep.
And everybody's tidying up and you're sitting with John Zink.
And he says, we hadn't seen much of Nulara
until she was able to come home,
which was amazing.
She mentioned how much she loved the two of you.
And how you were, how you were family to her.
Thank you for making sure she wasn't alone.
We're sorry, we couldn't do more.
She told me that it was going to be something
that was hard won and hard fought
and that there was a chance
that she wasn't going to come back.
So, in some way, I was prepared for this day.
In other ways, you can't, you can't, you just can't.
But don't, don't be sorry.
You were with her until the end,
fighting beside her, being with her.
It's really, she wasn't meant to stay here.
She was meant to be out there adventuring, fighting,
doing right and the outcome, as hard as it is.
It's what she, it's what she wanted
to see the world, the country free.
I raised my glass, I assume we have glasses.
There's no way anyone's doing any of this sober.
No, I wouldn't have to think so.
I raise my glass and I say to Nulara,
she saved us all.
Here, here.
He raises his glass as well and takes a big swig.
So I could never ever ask before,
but any good embarrassing stories?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
The songs Nowhere Land, Lost Time, Blue Feather,
The Machine Thinks, and At Rest are by Kavin McLeod
of incompetech.filmmusic.io.